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John Kerry's Greatest Hits

Jan 31, 2013|

Secretary Of State John Kerry made his farewell tour of the United States Senate yesterday. In honor of the senior Massachusetts Senator leaving office Howie felt it was time to play John Kerry's greatest hits.

Transcript - Not for consumer use. Robot overlords only. Will not be accurate.

It's it is John Kerry I just want to -- one at that just you know. Spent the whole time here with John -- some of his famous -- I've found one today I was looking around I was -- for The -- by a multiple a lot of these cuts and have mom -- website you can pick them up tomorrow -- you pick up tomorrow -- just. Listen to them at your right at your leisure. But the I found one today this I thought this was a great when. This was when when John Kerry picked John Edwards as his running mate in 2004. Now now remember the John Kerry. Is a guy who a couple couple weeks after pick them polled -- told his confidence. Which I guess is the guy the guy from windsurfing shop who. -- Russia on form is John Kerry -- -- -- confidence appeared confident on chicken or immediacy. He has servants. But he told his confidant the job that that John Edwards was the biggest -- he has ever seen. Mean when John Kerry called phony. You know and it's maps. That's really cutting. But this is what this is what you're in a row this -- this -- before we knew I mean you -- kind in the union knew if it if you if you really look that John Edwards closely enough and especially if you've been in the college in the south there whip in the south you you know -- these kind of phonies. Like John Edwards and he is a UNC guy I'll admit it. But. But. He it was pretty clear what was. Who -- nobody had the the pregnant mistress but we knew we was in the ambulance -- we nobody we knew that he claimed that he could. Channel the voices of -- be peace when he was swing doctors. But he had a single handedly driven up the cost of Bob guy enough medical malpractice insurance in North Carolina because of his because of his ambulance chasing it made all this money. And you know he's he's he's about a super critical as Al war when it comes it was investments he investing invested billions the world ones after Hurricane Katrina -- that up. Closing and and it -- the throwing out people who while we're trying to move back and to the city. So evicting. People or trying to move back in the -- buddy -- this is what John Kerry said about it I mean two we all agree that John Edwards is one of the biggest. Sleaze bags in the United States of America can we all agree on that is it. I mean whether you're moon bats or win matter anything -- I think I think we all. -- and agree that John John Edwards is one of the sleazy as people in the country well here's what it would John John Kerry had the same. I've seen John Edwards. Think. Argue. Abdicate. Legislating and leave for six years now. I know is still. I'd always passion. I don't it is strange. I know his conscience. I know his faith. He has honored the lessons. Of home and badly that he learned at North Carolina. And he brings those values to shape a better America. Together. In the man judge character one can he -- -- or can he not that's the most ridiculous thing I ever heard. Oh boy 617 francs protected class status trump like -- protected class status all the humanity. -- the the that the governor of Massachusetts who was born in Illinois. Has decided to replace the senator who was born in Colorado. With the interim senator who was born in North Carolina. Who will now join the senior senator. For Massachusetts who was born in Oklahoma. Got that. Where they were the greats of the great state of Massachusetts who hotbed of political genius. Right. Okay. Now Chris just what's what's -- a few more my idea how about but I like what kind of music -- John Kerry like. And in secretary's day I'm fascinated by around. Rap music do you really think he's fascinated by -- Okay. What what's his favorite football team. You are looking at that they -- -- she's had it up our. About what's this was his favorite Red Sox. Many are two as. Toys that's -- And this deceit. You know John I know you know we've all heard the other rumors that that you wouldn't pay a nickel to see an earthquake you wouldn't -- you've tossed around quarters like their manhole covers is there. Woody went to give any money to charity. Fact is I did make some contributions. They're not enormous I have two kids you know little off my salary. My wife may be independently wealthy I'm not. When did that change in new muscle CNN this is what I wrote my column about last Friday when did this change I want and nobody. -- keep we kept. All these hearings you know yesterday the the behalf for a woman. Was you know the former head of the state police was she could have been asked about the about. Memories automobile accident no one would ask any questions will last week nobody in the senate would ask John Kerry. How come you went from how can you go from being -- poorest. US senator or -- One of the two were three porous US senators. To being the most wealthy US senator in the course of three or four years 'cause there's -- smear tactic. It's another Republican smear I don't I read in the Boston Bob by the way did you see where is no spokesman has got a big. Glen Johnson one of the other note about the -- snipers of the Boston Globe. A a reset of mr. -- swap. CN he's the -- used to deliver the blob stores every morning in in Tampa last summer remember him I would that was. Yeah that's what Johnson he's gonna be the is going to be the new spokes spokes. And for a 44 rough like -- was you know while the one that's married to was Christina I'm import was Ferraro went wherever he was -- -- Hillary it was cheapest. Rubin and I forgot who -- who he was the spokesman for. But anyway yeah a Glen Johnson is putting another sign that the globe is you know is is going down the -- I had good busy have to switch payrolls when you go to work for Democrats from the globe or do you just there just everything picked up automatically make everything is pretty much picked up automatically. So let's hear some more about John Kerry could when Johnson's boss I actually did vote but he says billion dollars. Before I voted against it. Is that a flip flops senator. Is that a flip flop. What is it isn't. Is that what I. Ask you first is that what -- ask you know you have to tell me about a flip flops what is that what I. Say it is you voted -- before you voted against the. This Volvo will be a bargain. That's got to be right up there in the top two threes he's referring of course to the Tip O'Neill. Obama down in the vineyard they say that that carries tighter than than a clams rear end. Now how about that now we do we know we never could find the Irish beat the all -- he's in. Okay it's the end of the it's the end of the campaign. 2004. Ohio looks like it's all coming down to Ohio so he's going down to southern Ohio where were where where. Bush has the advantage because of the evangelicals and hunters. So why John Kerry. Of of Yale and -- watch on Iowa and and the the -- Flying squirrel in the five mansion just trying to prove that he's just another redneck like you. When you -- nothing I mean I know that we're artists are very conscious and well people are saying you really take a quarter and you don't go beyond your quadrant. Which are looking for something but when your -- gonna get me -- funny -- there. EC east we can't find that we can't find the worst part about the 24. Point now and fortunately the 24 point -- a this is one of those enduring legacies of John Kerry's so let's not get silly here. We -- know about the 24 point -- that you worst parking down now on the -- that I get out -- -- I think it's about as likely that he was -- the 24 -- -- as it is that. That that. President Obama was skeet shooting. -- -- at Camp David. 187746943226030. God help us. Would you think Hillary Clinton what is is is any worse than John Kerry's going to be. Mean the only thing is we will at least Hillary Clinton never sucked up to basher sought to where we couldn't find any of the -- -- cuts with different. Hillary what difference does it make. Unita T shirt with them liked about -- and with the I'm I'm moon bat man. What was berg a square security night nightmare last night thanks -- move that fire hydrant do you know why am. John Kerry and I am. Rough morning for duty. Number that was another that was -- that was some why do you should have a whole -- John Kerry yeah. John Kerry book they have the book at the winter soldier you know about coming back from Vietnam a lot of pictures of John Kerry and it. They should have John John Kerry's later career you know -- got some nice pictures of him. You know with the fire -- this city fire the city crew in Boston moving the fire hydrant from outside of his mansion. Then they can have the picture of him and you know what -- one or 2 in the morning. Down mud down on Nantucket with the teenage girls process sipping drinks from what the penis straw -- whether or -- that it -- You know what I've never seen though I have. I have never seen him with that rosary that he cared that he but he says he care right now not to -- -- says he's used to be an altar boy. That's another one I'll like to I somehow I don't see John Kerry is being I mean not Alter boy. Raise your hand if you think John Kerry was an altar boy altar boy. And now I believe that I believe you all the point. Don't forget he ran the Boston Marathon -- he did he -- the Boston he's the only person in the world who cannot remember when he and the Boston Marathon. And this I would the only reason we're mentioning all this today is because. This is his last. All day as the United States senator from Massachusetts and I get out their -- yes we can believe me. It was okay we're all us if you would make the date of your resignation. -- -- Why did you have to wait until tomorrow don't report first BUG one extra day be a little extra on the pension or what. Skinny people wanna if people wanna talk about that -- would mentions that we're gonna stick with this for very long we have other things going on my demonic of people chip about. -- John Kerry. 18774694322. -- all the I loved one of my favorite John Kerry stories as the is is when the first Iraq War started and this -- from new -- -- -- when he set out on which side team down. But he got a letter back from -- I agree with you I'm I'm for the war in Iraq. Forearm against the war whatever whatever side you're on the you know John Kerry agreed but. A week later. The constituent. -- was mailbox and he sees a metal veteran them in the mailbox and that letter says whatever the other first letter said it was against that. If different lettuce and I I'm for the war in Iraq this once and I'm against the -- that is that what yes it is a flip flop. 187746. As an admirable Bulger at the it's Saint Patrick's Day breakfast that you're so there was. It was a touch and go there for a while which side John Kerry was on. Kevin your next with how we cargo ahead Kevin. We're number one at all it's. Jordan everywhere so Wendy's. Where -- see ya Ed what. That's right right say right after they left the right after they left the convention here in Boston yet. What are they want to -- just to show that they were round. They'll just because they were people like us they were people like Ascap and -- what is it like (%expletive) in the yeah. While they were well they were right you know by talking with the salt of the Europe the blue collar folks. -- -- their staffers were out going to the most expensive restaurant town and ordering them the most expensive dishes on the menu right. Exact. Well. It was a great story that. There was thanks for the call one except what about the Phillies the cheese steak with -- -- yup that's right you wanna the other guy he was. -- claw he was in Philadelphia components of Pro Bowl alone cheery and all Molly cheese steak subways. And so once the let's see the a Betty wears a powdered wig at home. So mustard of which you get all the story there was this guy named bill right spine. He was the former mayor every year and he was a guy wrote about last week in my column they were on the beach Campbell over there will be your beach the Revere high school. And so he was that allied with the district attorney of time Garrett burn. And he kept writing -- these letters saying I think -- should have an investigation of the what's going on at the Revere high school. Answer wrote three letters and then finally Burgess and I -- that its board invited -- -- In answer rights when it was all bent out of shape is political ally and invited him and in. Garrett -- the DA said what what was I supposed -- we kept writing these letters. But anyway. Is it right spine into beating the rap and becomes a state -- and he replaces this guy -- which Apollo which can problems brother was -- -- But he was what she was clean whereas. You don't Weinstein had been tried and tried twice for stealing money from high school had beaten the -- both times so. Naturally -- I'm wanna landslide over what you could what you get all the old despite you know despite his BM he didn't he himself had no record. So. -- -- I was this -- -- on -- in which he -- Alba was like you know look like it was built like a fire hydrant outside of Carey's house you know he was just he was bark and fat. And about 55. He was about mr. 5 X 5 and so soft. So right spine system was pals there the other something at the Statehouse Weinstein system is now watch this. It -- -- goes up to -- just how I guess senate act but a long time since -- senior what cheek at how -- hair. It's Kerry Kerry is -- they -- -- obviously because he's he's you know race. Can pass it ranks trying to pass. Saw you bush Cheney so good to see you -- how is the farm labor and -- And of course all the guys you know the state reps back of -- carrier to start acting up with laughter because dispute the -- I mean. Carries just again it's like it's like can -- get me hunting license here. And a bit -- that's that's way carry was a man a man of the people. It took carry eleven years to get his car inspected because he forgot that's right -- for I'd forgotten about that when -- he had a he had one of those convertibles a Chrysler Le Baron convertible -- -- Have senators have had that Chrysler Le Baron convertible back then. 18774694322. I'm hoping doesn't forget some major issue of national security because you just talked to his good friend basher Assad you know basher Assad is a real for. He said he said this a couple of years ago basher Assad in Syria are real force some stability in the Middle East. Kim you are next with how we cargo ahead camp. How we influence -- remember I think you -- to -- when you -- up on the carpet thanks. That's Friday the lord how to swear when -- -- up on the former member of the one of those one of those peasants that that worked for his family bottom how to square. Yeah. Do you think do you think getting -- under fingernails. Yup that's right Andy and that's how we learned his love of baseball in this amassed a war what was your favorite player when you work -- and he said Roy receivers. Who played for who played for the Washington senators not Red Sox. -- Thank you Kim -- if I -- on a farm as a younger kids my parents. From we've lived in Massachusetts we that we looked on a farm. And I learned my first cuss words sit on a tractor with a guy I was driving it. Certain says not tractor to drag me hot sincere. -- -- -- and I you know you know you don't want access afflicts men and get me you know least you know that guy is he's. He's a blue collar he -- Google bull. Paul your next with Howard cargo have -- Good afternoon -- You know I would remain. So Russia is as certain extraordinary I don't understand now that state could -- area office. And then it get to a point where now he's gonna be secretary of state. I mean Clinton like so it's 24 point but. I'm an early lead then I mean the biggest but I've ever seen once it was a nine point her. All I mean if if that if his boss could get away with saying he's skeet shooting why can't that -- get away -- saying he was hunting 24. Point box down on the Kate. Where believe me there's this I mean you've got a lot bigger bigger deer in Maine and we do down here. I really only state shoot his boss ever did was gonna grab your stock in the -- All. Thanks for the call I guess they -- realizes there. What did you learn French on the farm -- he -- to speak French and now he loves to speak French there's nothing bad because French is a Langer language in the interest of love. But of diplomacy. Whose identity for -- and says that. And moves that the AD for -- and it -- out. What does he speaks French when he goes to visit basher Assad in Damascus back to your next with how we -- ahead that. Now what are a couple of I'm Terry directed some kind of Hazmat -- coming out of some troops somewhere. Out it was during the 2004 campaign you look like one of the sperm in the Woody Allen movie. Everything you always wanted to know about sacks. That was his tank picture a. Hard court -- where to pick up speed it up on the moon and back on the that and yeah. We got we got. We'll see how he does -- secretary of state -- a feeling there will be a berg T shirt about John Kerry before the year is -- Thanks for the call about -- right now we got a bitter clinger teachers are coming out from Bergen there already available at -- sportswear dot com for sale. But we should have some down here by -- by Monday it will start giving them away -- -- bitter clinger. I think it's just that's because I think it's just it's pretty much clear that -- totally declared war this level it's been a guerrilla war last four years but now they've declared war on all American taxpayers. And so we might as well call ourselves for what they see -- as which is a better which is bitter -- -- rush you're next with how we cargo ahead rushed. Well first of all yesterday when I -- that they are content spending. -- Don't think maybe he really meant there were conspiring. You don't. I don't I -- I I got here early today -- I -- all around the building to see if there was any call on spending going on I didn't see any -- Don't but what might stop what are barely. -- building where he said everything all the clients banding was going on and yet none of us we're all looking around port today and nobody could see -- standing. Hey Howard -- figure out on the stage is what does John charity got it yet. Yet as well as the government ticker tape parade and -- He's he's at the Hanoi museum you know that rights are -- -- don't we. He's got. -- He -- there -- a Washington senators captain a moderate Red Sox can. Based basement or did he go to wearing a cheese head Todd your next with Howard cargo ahead Claude. And out of the ball like over the it is way too funny -- -- distance runner and a lot about it story that I -- good or bad job for very. Was wrote fury that it's running Oscar. They -- the Green Line together for. An urgent -- well. Yeah. Question about -- what. That -- I'm glad he's gone I'm glad he's gone that. It. Thanks for the call -- 18774694322. How -- car.